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att ta språnget in i mörkret och tugga i sig skuggorna

9 nov. 2012

När det känns att det håller på ta slut, Stig Larsson


Stig Larssons nya bok är en ovanlig självbiografi, som är öppenhjärtig och omedelbar. Även om den är ojämnt skriven är den nästan oavbrutet fascinerande att läsa.

Äntligen satt författaren vid skrivbordet. För Stig Larsson meddelade ju för tolv år sedan att ”Avklädda på ett fält” skulle bli hans sista bok, och han har hållit sitt ord, även om en glipa öppnades förra året med en volym dramatik, delvis nyskriven. Men det har varit en frustrerande väntan på en helt ny bok.

Så har han nu skrivit ”När det känns att det håller på ta slut”, en självbiografi. Fast givetvis reserverar han sig mot den beteckningen, och vill inte heller se det som en fortsättning av de tidigare böckerna, utan som ”någonting annat. Något som inte liknar det som jag redan har gjort.” Det är en depression som utlöser återkomsten till skrivandet, där han på kort tid går igenom moderns dödsfall, en skilsmässa, katten Essets död, samt en egen hjärtinfarkt.

Även om uppsåtet med boken inte är att berätta kan Larsson inte undgå att inkludera ”mina superunderliga men absolut sanna storys!” Mot slutet av 80-talet börjar han metodiskt använda amfetamin för att klara den höga arbetstakten, med 22 böcker på lite drygt 20 år. Hans bok är en lång varningstext, för han är ingen drogliberal: ogarderat och uppriktigt berättar han så småningom, efter otaliga utvikningar och prokrastinationer, om hur drogen bryter ned och förstör.

Det är en text som parerar sorgen med humor, då Larsson som författare ger fan i konsekvenserna. Han har gått andra vägar för att förvärva sig sin klokhet, och med hjälp av amfetaminet, farliga vägar. Att läsa hans nya bok blir också en påminnelse om att hans röst varit saknad, att det är ett sätt att skriva som gått förlorat.

Och även om det fanns självbiografiska inslag i de sista prosaböckerna han skrev på 1900-talet, skriver han här helt öppenhjärtigt om dödsångest, om vänskap på djupet, om framgångar och tillkortakommanden, om ett nästan ofattbart starkt självförtroende, om en självupptagenhet som är lika stor som hans nyfikenhet på andra människor. Han skriver lika bra om andras böcker som om sina egna, och likadant när han gestaltar människor: det finns en exakthet i hur han karakteriserar andra som speglas i hur han skriver om sig själv, med en total brist på distans, i en slags naiv tillit till läsarens förståelse.

Här kan du häpna inför åsikter som andra nog skulle klä i hyckleriets kostym innan de luftades. Men Stig Larsson har alltid stått för den han är. Och hans åsikter är starka, när de ringar in samtidsfenomen från oväntade perspektiv. Hans bidrag till det självbiografiska skrivandet är också fruktbart, då det förhåller sig så prestigelöst gentemot det upplevda.

Det här är en fruktansvärt ojämn bok, som bejakar slarvet och upprepningarna, och blandar pinsamheter med sublima formuleringar. Den enkla förklaringen är ändå att Larsson skriver helt briljant tillräckligt ofta, och att hans nya bok mer känns som en löftesrik början än som det slut titeln hotar med.

(Också publicerad i Jönköpings-Posten 9/11 2012)

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